It's technically Tuesday but I haven't slept yet so in my mind it's Monday. I guess this is the new thing I do. I had therapy today, we talked mainly about my 10 year old self. She was a mess. There's still more I want to do to organize/read through my journals from then. Next month we have 17 year old and then 20 year old and then now. Yikes. It is hard to look at my actions back then, especailly when I don't think about them being what they were, but I really was the epitome of hurt people hurt poeple.

In other news I'm bored with work, but I need to wrap up some of my stuff and clean it up so it can be ready to hand off and I can pick up some new stuff.

It's technically Tuesday but I haven't slept yet so in my mind it's Monday. I spent the day working from my BFF'S house and doing a clothing exchange. This will be short becajse I'm on my phone and cannot see what I'm typing. But we had so much fun!!! And toward the end of the had rhe most amazinggggg laugh like old times.

Also my wife surprised le with Sarah McLachlan!!! And even better news my wife is feeling better after being sick. We had a date night tonight, it was so nice. Reading through old journals, I could not have envisioned the life I have today and it is such a beautiful wonderful life.

I have been going through old journals and putting every entry/letter/art thing in order. A lot us undated, I don't know why I had such an aversion to dating things! Or sometimes I'd just write the day of the week and the month which is so unhelpful. I was able to categorize most, at least into a year/school year by who I was writing about. I want to sit down and read them all chronologically once I'm done, so far I've just been reading as I go and it's so wild. I'm like I barely know/relate to her. Which I think is good because she was a brat but just covering up for how hurt/sad/lonely she felt.

In other news we went to a Music Festical on Sunday and it was SO amazing. So much fun. It was at the beach where we used to go when I was little with my family so like all these memories came back. The music was a lot of artists I liked in high school/college too so it was extra throw back. When we got there it was kind of later in the day because we were like why wake up so early when it's going to be a late night and we were out the entire day before. So by the time we got there the lot I was hoping to park in was full so we went to a further one which luckily had plenty of room. But when we got out toward the bus to take us down to the festival the line was insanely long and I'd read online that it can be full from stops before. So we were walking to get into the end of the line a limo drove by and the guy yelled out the window "2 for $20!" and we looked at each other and decided to go with him. We jumped in the back (it was empty) and took a limo to the show. It was so fun and so random. I was not worried for our safety I figured a goofy guy in a limo was harmless. He had on a traffic cone hat. My wife said she was nervous but she felt okay once she saw all of the items in the back that could be used as a weapon. He dropped us off right at the front gate and we spent the day there. We saw everyone we both really wanted to see and stayed until the very end and caught a shuttle bus to drop us back at the parking lot. The line for the bus was long but it moved fairly quickly.

We got our new washer and dryer today I'm so happy about that. I worked from home today to be able to be here, my wife is sick so I've been trying to take care of way more things around the house. Also it's still so wild to me to say my wife. Especially thinking about all of my writing over being sad/dating everyone and their mom/wondering when/if I'd find a partner. Living life with her is a joy I wasn't sure I'd get to experience. I've been on such a "high" the last month or so, increasing recovery meetings and sharing more and I restarted therapy on Monday. I just feel so good and serene. I feel calm in my body, about my body, about life. I mean don't get me wrong the world still feels absolutely insane with what's happening but I have a sense of calm in my body that I don't know that I've felt for more than glimpses in my entire life. I understand this too shall pass, but I hope when/if I find myself despairing or depressed I can remember how I feel in this time.